Birds + Bees
This possibly re-hashes earlier entries here, but:
Seven Sharp on TV ONE, Dec1 2017, has a Child Psych stating that *before* children start sexting is the time to have THE TALK.
Our 2 eldest grandsons (and their sister) were ripped out of our home into CYFS *custody* at around that age. Their continued efforts to return to us (where they knew they were and would be cared for) had them labelled ‘flight risks’, shuffled through homes and, given the dearth of willing ‘victims’ (read:caregivers), to an inexperienced couple with kids of similar age in an isolated small town.
The younger grandson ‘outed’ the mid-teen son of the house as “bi”, and my wife raised that with the Social Worker to gain permission to have THE TALK. She was met with a ‘shock-horror’ refusal, so of course did not – we still at that stage harboured hopes of their return under official blessing, so followed directions punctiliously.
The precocious pre-teen there dared a sex-game. The elder boy, as I understand it, got as far as the ‘touchy-feely’ and backed off, but was video-recorded by the blatantly bisexual mid-teen left in sole charge at the time. The younger grandson, it seems, went far further ‘as a matter of right’ – well it was OK for *him*, so why not? – and being slow to learn (officially diagnosed as such) had not got beyond the childish “more is better” and so did so often.
The video was given to CYFS, (after the elder grandson’s 16th birthday) so he was charged and convicted as a sex-offender (quite possibly as adult, so that will blight his life forever!). Both grandsons were sent to separate secure residences (Borstals-by-euphemism) to undergo ‘re-education’. This put a final seal on the elder lad’s brutalisation – he had been a top student previously, and the fragmented standard-curriculum schooling under this regime has proven to have sorely limited his education.
As the elder lad ‘aged out’ of the system at 17, totally-fabricated accusations were laid by CYFS of our having exposed the boys to *pornography*. This, as I understand it, was on the strength of a very carefully-tailored interview that went something like this:
Q: Are you allowed Internet access at your grandparents’ place?
A: Yes
Q: Have you viewed pornographic material?
A: Yes
Q: Where did you view that material?
A: On a computer.
Interview ends.
CYFS goes away rubbing hands with glee: “GOT’EM!”
Unasked question: Whose computer?
Answer would have been (reluctantly): My mother’s. (But CYFS would not have wanted to risk hearing that – it would have exposed them as having been played as mugs for years – and by how many others?).
I’m an Electronics and Computing Technician, so both my wife and I have computers. We offered them insistently for forensic analysis to refute the accusation and clear our name – accusations such as this are the stock-in-trade of bureaucrats seeking advancement – but this was refused. CYFS obviously had what they wanted. As far as I know, those accusations have never been lifted (no-further-action is *not* the same as proven-unfounded), so *our* official record remains under the suspicion of having contributed to the delinquency of a minor.
The Whanau of the precocious pre-teen had both boys (particularly the elder) under death-threat for years.
The elder lad, on ‘aging out’, refused to return to his mother, and now lives with us, where he should have been from the outset of this sorry saga. He has made great strides in his development under our guidance and support, and is now gainfully employed in a major venture, enjoying it and enjoyed by workmates and management alike.
The younger lad, on ‘aging out’, was returned to his mother in easy reach of that whanau. It seems he has matured and developed physically beyond that retaliation, but his social skills are still severely lacking – and his childish “that looks good, I’ll take it” slow development has had him rejected and trespassed by his mother. We are not resourced to help him, though we would otherwise, and meanwhile we are concerned that he is likely to be destined for crime.